“What’ll you have today?”

“COCKADE, please!”

FOR A LOVELIER YOU

FUN AMONG THE SEA OATS

Are you feeling your oats?

GOLDEN SHOWER TREES

I imagine innocent grandmas mailing this card to their adult, sexually sophisticated grandsons.

“It’s always Springtime in Florida”

COME ABOARD

Much sexual innuendo here. More than can be discussed on a family site like this.

Hi! How about it?

For Fun in the Sun, Surfing’s the going thing at California Beaches.

TEN BADDEST BAD POSTCARDS OF 2011 — #10
Your BAD POSTCARDS Blogger Reblogs Ten of his Favorite Postcards of the Year

NICE PINEAPPLES!

LUSCIOUS PINEAPPLES…grown in Hawaii by Dole. This popular fruit is one of the Aloha State’s main crops.

NICE PINEAPPLES!

LUSCIOUS PINEAPPLES…grown in Hawaii by Dole. This popular fruit is one of the Aloha State’s main crops.

This was mailed in 1960. The sender wrote: “How about flying over & doing a little Pineapple picking too? This is the land of relaxation. Great trip. Betsy & Hilda.”

VINTAGE ALTERNATIVE HEALING FANTASY

Housewife Winifred notices that Hank, her Duraclean Man, looks tired from a long day of cleaning and offers him a chair massage.

Hank, always the willing reciprocator at house calls, offers Winifred a “special” foot bath that will satisfy two of his fetishes: suds and feet.

Lively, colorful, clean — that’s the way all your carpets and furniture will look after they’ve been cleaned by Duraclean. The unique Duraclean absorption process literally lifts dirt from fabrics and fibers. Treats them gently, too. Your carpets and furniture will stay bright and clean longer when they’re treated with Durashield soil retardant.

CACTACEAE GENITALIA

A DESERT PANORAMA

The Cholla cactus in the foreground is one of the spiniest and most colorful cacti found on the deserts of the Southwest. The Barrel cactus (center) sometimes grows 6 feet tall over a 20-30 year period and contains a slimy juice often reputed to have saved lives in an emergency but hardly fit to drink otherwise. (Yes that’s really what it says) To the left, a Mojave Yucca in full bloom.

CAPTION CONTEST—Name That Dish

11/8/10  4:30PM:
As always, I appreciate your participation in the enhancement of BAD. Watch for another contest in a few hours!

When I open my restaurant, I’ll be hiring Mikah to create the menu. Mikah’s winning name for this delectable dish? ”mammary mcglamery.”

Congratulations, Mikah! To claim your postcard prize, email me at bad.postcards@gmail.com with your choice of postcard from the list below and your mailing address.

For this contest, your job is to give this gourmet entrée a name. The name you invent will be printed on the menu of this exclusive restaurant.

The RULES:
1) MAXIMUM of EIGHT (8) WORDS.
2) One caption per customer.
3) Please enter your caption in the comments of this post.
4) I will accept submissions until Monday, November 8, 4:00 PM, EST.

The author of my favorite caption will have their choice of one of these original vintage postcards (all previously published on BAD POSTCARDS):

1) The Three MusCATeers

2) Harmony at Home is Harmony Everywhere

3) SNACK-A-ROO

HAVE FUN and GOOD LUCK!

GO ALL THE WAY!!!

Wisdom from the 70s, guys. Not going all the way? You don’t have the right suit! Why didn’t this information get passed down to today?

How could they have made this photo more suggestive without going all the way?

“Come on strong!! Go all the way with ‘Botany’ 500 suits, outercoats, sport coats, slacks.”

Advertising postcard for the ARO-PAK LUBRICATOR PUMP

“So, Mr. Jones, I’ve shown you the advantages that the Aro-Pak will have in your business. You seem like an open-minded man. If you’d just uncross your legs for a moment, I can demonstrate the secret, side benefits that my colleagues and I have discovered using the Aro-Pak.”

SEXUAL INNUENDO WEEK—DAY 6

Edible Arrangements—1958 style.

This is NOT a postcard, but it is standard postcard size (3.5 x 5.5 in.) and that’s good enough for me.

The card is scored at the center line between the two images for easy folding to make it a “tent” card, and only the product information is printed on the back. (See below for text.)

The “arrangement” on the dark blue background is bizarre enough—variety of frozen fruit dessert slabs on paper doilies.

It’s the image with the fruit units on paper doilies ON the oversized sushi mat that draws my attention.

When I look at this, I see a combo of male and female erotic bits—all combined into one fruit collage—kind of a cubist, multi-sexed fruit salad. Picasso would have loved to have this spread greeting him at the dinner table.

I also see a face where the 2 frozen oranges, with their little nipple caps, also serve as eyes—and that face would have a very, very big nose—and ears!

This arrangement could be found under the categories “Everyday Occasions” or “Special Parties.”

Do you know how many of those decorative paper doilies I saw in my childhood?

Earlier this week, one of my closest friends, after checking out this blog for the first time, said that I had (copied directly from the email) “WAAAAYYY too much time on [my] hands!”

Here’s the description:
“FRUIT-GLACÉ / Italian fresh fruit ices contained in their colorful fruit shell.
Beautiful, tree-ripened first quality fruits to grace the table setting.
Refreshing, completely fat-free desserts.
No milk or cream has been added to the delicious, natural foods.
Conversation pieces deluxe.
Maintaining more than a century-old prized family seret recipe, “Fruit-Glacé” is a custom-made dessert which has delighted Continental Royalty. / “FRUIT GLACE” / Burbank, California.”

TOMORROW: Mother’s Day!

SEXUAL INNUENDO WEEK—DAY 5

Reminder—this blog is called BAD POSTCARDS.

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TOMORROW: Last installment of Sexual Innuendo Week: SUGGESTIVE FRUIT

SEXUAL INNUENDO WEEK—DAY 4

WORLD’S LONGEST…

…Covered Bridge.

I cheated a little here—it’s a Canadian postcard and this is a blog for American postcards. Well, it’s North American!

I often see postcards from this era with a caption printed on the photo side in a brush script font. The captions usually glorify images of boring scenery with superlatives. Here’s a perfect example. I have many others. You will see some of them.

Verso: “WORLD’S LONGEST COVERED BRIDGE, spans the beautiful St. Johns River. A Howe truss, measuring 1,282 ft., built 1899. This 7 span structure, one of the scenic wonders in Canada’s colorful Atlantic Provinces, carries Route 2 into New Brunswick.”

Tomorrow:  “Oh, Deer!”
Saturday, 5/8 — Fruit Cocktail (End of Sexual Innuendo Week)

SEXUAL INNUENDO WEEK—DAY 3

GORDON’S “Animated Line”

Text on verso: “These are three styles that exemplify the “American Look” of the new GORDON “Animated Line” for Spring 1957. There’s a GORDON Polo Shirt for every youngster from six months to sixteen years. GORDON’S “Animated Line” really moves.
See it early at our attractive N.Y. show room located in the new 112 West 34th building. Suite – 1405.”

Take a close look at this card. Look at the children’s facial expressions.

What did the photographer tell them to do? Who told the boy in the middle to hold the apple down near his wee wee and for the girl to tickle it with her fingers and for him to look down at it like he’s enjoying it and for the boy at the left to put his arm around the middle boy and for the girl to exchange knowing glances with boy on left as if there’s a hidden surprise in the apple that middle boy doesn’t know about?

What did people think when they received this in the mail in 1957?

Yikes!

Tomorrow: “World’s Longest”
Friday, 5/7 — “Oh, Deer!”
Saturday, 5/8 — Fruit Cocktail (End of Sexual Innuendo Week)